Maroon & White | Therapy's Expensive, Sarcasm is Free | DL Unisex Hoodie
Maroon & White | Therapy's Expensive, Sarcasm is Free | DL Unisex Hoodie
Comforting like therapy… but cheaper and with fewer trust issues.
Who knew that the softest hoodie you’ll ever own would also double as a personality disclaimer? This heavyweight beauty doesn’t just keep you warm, it sets the emotional tone before you say a word.
Perfect for emotionally unavailable legends of all genders. Because sarcasm doesn’t discriminate.
Why You'll Probably Live in This:
100% cotton face with a cosy fleece interior
Classic streetwear fit with a modern edge
Front pouch pocket for snacks, secrets, or both
3-panel hood + matching drawstrings = drama-ready
Branded with Dysfunctional Legends twisted take on the truth
Fit Note: This hoodie runs small, just like your capacity for emotional intimacy. Order one size up for that laid-back, comfortably detached look.
Care Instructions:
Machine wash cold, inside-out, gentle cycle with mild detergent and similar colours. Use non-chlorine bleach, only when necessary. No fabric softeners.
Tumble dry low or hang-dry for longest life.
Cool iron inside-out if necessary. Do not iron decoration.
Do not dry clean
Delivery:
Made Just for You (Because We’re Not Mind Readers)
This hoodie isn’t sitting in a sad warehouse collecting dust, we make it just for you the moment you hit “order.” That means it takes a little longer to ship… because we’re not Amazon Prime, and you’re not that special.
On the upside, this helps us avoid overproduction and save the planet, one sarcastic hoodie at a time. So, thanks for making a gloriously dysfunctional (yet slightly responsible) purchase.
Size guide:
| CHEST WIDTH (inches) | LENGTH (inches) | |
| S | 20 | 27 |
| M | 21 | 28 |
| L | 23 | 29 |
| XL | 25 | 30 |
| 2XL | 26 ½ | 31 |
| 3XL | 28 | 32 |
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The Rules (Yeah, We Have Some)
Can I return something because it doesn’t fit or I don't like the colour?
Nope. We don’t do “wardrobe regret.” Every piece is made just for you, so if you picked the wrong size, that’s on you. Check the size chart before you buy, or embrace the chaos.
What if the item arrives damaged, misprinted, or looks like it got into a bar fight?
That’s different. If your gear shows up defective, mangled, or printed wrong, we’ll sort you out with a replacement or refund. We’re dysfunctional, not heartless.
Who do I talk to if my order looks cursed?
Hit us up with your order number and evidence of the disaster. We’ll fix it, no interrogation required.